adore you

I'll be looking over the rooftop edge while you would rush in to the last floor as soon as you notice I'm in the building. this would happen in the most important day of your life: maybe your first exhibit at the MoMA or your first job as an international art hostess at some fancy hotel in europe. I asure you I will be there waiting for you to show up at some point, but I'm not sure if we will actually get to bump in each other while surrounded by the city lights. maybe it would take you too long to realize I'm around - or maybe I'll freak out and leave, dropping my still lit red marlboro and letting it burn itself to it's very end while I take a cab back home. I wish I could just gaze deeply into your eyes and disappear the second after I did so. that way I could fulfill my deepest desires: to finally find out if you're ok and then not ruining your life afterwards by staying on it. I would be gone and that would be harsh at first, I know that. but I'm sure we would get our minds to settle a few days later, like we always did. besides, you kinda got me tired from all these years - when I used to pour myself all over you constantly and then somehow push you back. it's been so long since the last time we felt natural and things always turned out to be so easy. it's been so long since our love felt like it was pink. maybe it's burgundy-colored now. but I still adore you. from a distance.