I used to be so much more tolerating. I remember when I walked around the city with a bunch of kids and some bottles of vodka and felt free. I think I spent so much time thinking I was actually free that I never got even close to tasting what real freedom is like. And I lost so many things on the process. When I look back at all the shit that happened, I realize that the losses overcame everything that I got to win. I tossed away the love of a girl who made me feel special and wanted, and until today I can't forgive myself for doing so. I'll never make peace with that. I've learned to carry own and to distract myself from my own bullshit. When I look at myself in the mirror, all I see is a dork. My lips curl down as I disapprove the mind state I locked myself in years ago. I feel trapped by my own mistakes, as they are so intimately mine. I don't miss being irresponsible and not aware of what I believe in. It felt much more empty inside, but at least I was cool with the idea that eventually, at some point, I could be happy.
